dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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