i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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