I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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