...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
