well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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