I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So vagazzling was a success
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
