Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
