I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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