this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
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there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
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You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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