Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
