No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We are two peas in an std pod
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
