Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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