I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
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we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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