She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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