it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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