Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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