I wish I could punch you in the face.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
