Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
