Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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