when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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