i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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