I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
