I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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