he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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