Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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