Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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