I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
