all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
