I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
