I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
