Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
