i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
