There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
