I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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