No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
