you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
