i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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