I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Sext me about skeletons
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
