How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
