Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
