Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
