New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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