Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
