I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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