How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
