maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Hippo gnu deer
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
