im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
