I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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