Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
