he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
