the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My balls are so social today.
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you didnt know i had herpes?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
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I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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