i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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