He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
