I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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