What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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