The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
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The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
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My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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