Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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