Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
