this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
