Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
