i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
