Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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