he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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