i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
