If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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