happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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