You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
