its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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