we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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