I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
