Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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