and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
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His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
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I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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