Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
