I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
