Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
