I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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