u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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