i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
