ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
