how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
