i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
